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Fergie whores herself out
Fergie has had many achievements during her time in the music industry, including 'most famous singer that looks like a man.' Now she's making further strides in her career by becoming the first singer to totally fuck music over. Instead of making heartfelt songs about her lady lumps and things of that nature, Fergie will now be promoting Candie's clothing in her music instead.
Her label says: "With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan. Candie's will have no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fergie does not sing jingles so it will have to work unobtrusively in the song."
My god, its like 1984, except Orwell never imagined anything so hideous as Fergie, and certainly no crime against humanity like Fergie trying to sing unobtrusive jingles in her songs. Looks like the boys at Guantanamo just got another means of torture, or 'notquiteentirelygentleorpainless persuasionairy tactics' or whatever they call it these days.
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