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Jessica Alba Is PREGNANT
Say goodbye to the girl with the perfect figure, Jessica Alba has gone and gotten herself pregnant. This means stretch marks, bloating, weight gain, probably yeast infections, and definitely a large object stretching her genital region beyond comprehension. Jessica Alba's publicist has confirmed this terrifying story saying: "I can confirm that Jessica and Cash are expecting a baby in late spring, early summer.
Dear god Cash, what have you done, man! Did the lesson of Britney Spears not teach us all that hot women should never, ever get pregnant? Sure, in a month or two we'll be enjoying pictures of her swollen breasts, but that's short term gain. It's all downhill after that.
God, this could be terrible. Remember what happened to Salma Hayek when she was pregnant? She turned into some gigantic frizzy whale. If that happens to Jessica Alba, I don't know what we'll do.
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